Becoming a Mother Transformed Me
Becoming a mother transformed me completely, reshaping everything from my thoughts and habits to my physical self.
Becoming a Mother Transformed Me Completely
I think about it at the most random times. When I’m carrying my toddler over to wash her hands at the kitchen sink. While I’m organizing the big girls’ sock basket. When I’m plucking my eyebrows. I used to be just me — but now I am a Mother.
When I think back to my college years I can still recall what it felt like to only worry about myself. My priorities were homework, making it to spin class, and spending time with my boyfriend and friends. Sometimes I would get flustered about being home in time to watch the new episode of Grey’s Anatomy or how I was going to make it to a party when I also had to study for an exam. Every day I woke with only myself to consider — my well being, my outfit, my meals, my laundry — and I never knew how different my life would become.
The transformation from woman to Mom is a whole body, mind, and soul evolution. From the way you think to the way you eat, from the way you sleep to the way you move about your daily life, the new way is called motherhood.
The Transformation Begins During Pregnancy
Once you find out you are pregnant the transformation begins — how could it not when you have another human growing inside of you? Exhaustion, frequent urination, and a heightened sense of smell are my first symptoms of pregnancy within the first two months (that’s how I always know I am pregnant ). Most pregnancy symptoms disappear after childbirth, but the heightened sense of smell, that is a superhero power I keep forever.
The female body undergoes the most noticeable changes during pregnancy. I recall watching everything get bigger: my belly, my breasts, my butt and it was difficult. For someone who struggled with body image before pregnancy I feared what I would look like after growing my daughter. I quickly learned growing a human is a beautiful privilege despite the stretch marks, varicose veins, and acne. I did not recognize my own body after my first pregnancy, let alone after my second and third. But my new Mom body, especially the saggy skin around my belly button, is a badge of honor representing the three babies I carried.
The Impact of Motherhood on Your Mind
What happens to a woman’s mind during pregnancy is not as easily seen from the outside. We silently experience heightened emotional sensitivity which can present itself as sadness, anger, forgetfulness, joy, etc. If I had a penny for every time my pregnant self was overwhelmed with a multitude of emotions all at once I would have a full change purse.
While pregnancy offers a peek at new layers of a woman’s emotional psyche, motherhood unveils deeper connections to love, empathy, anxiety and fear. I will never forget the rush of new feelings when my firstborn was laid on my chest. My husband still talks about how quiet I was while I held our daughter, so emotionless he thought something was wrong. The truth is I was frozen — unable to express what was happening inside my mind. I was terrified at how rapidly my heart was growing but at the same time fearful of every bad thing that could happen to this new life.
Research states a woman or a man do not have to experience pregnancy to undergo biological changes to their brain (source). The act of actively parenting itself can trigger neural adaptations in the brain due to the new experiences and demands of childcare. Brain regions associated with social bonding, empathy, reward processing, and decision-making are often highlighted as areas that show changes with parenthood.
Separating Myself from Motherhood
The evolution of my emotional complexity in motherhood did not end with my first child. Just when I thought it was impossible to feel so inextricably linked one person, I gave birth to two more girls. My heart is tied to all three of their hearts — especially during intense moments of disappointment or sadness. It can feel disorienting sometimes as the distinction between their feelings and my own blur easily.
There are moments when I lose touch with parts of my ‘self’ as I prioritize my children’s needs over my own. Sometimes I wonder if I never left teaching full time 8 years ago would I feel more of a separation between being a Mom and being myself? As a self-employed stay at home Mom with limited scheduled childcare, my daily activities almost always revolve around my daughters’ lives. Or is it inevitable that women allow her role as mother to become central to how she defines her personal identity?
After a debilitating bout of postpartum depression, my therapist told me I would never feel better unless I actively changed how I was living. Being a Mother does not have to be my entire persona. I am allowed to be Caitlin too. Hot yoga, adult tap class, journaling, long walks, reading before bed — these are some of the hobbies I have forced into my daily life to remind myself of who I used to be. The uninterrupted time I dedicate to myself is a brain break from motherhood and a necessity for my mental health.
I try to set an early alarm for most weekdays so I can be alone with my thoughts and my coffee. This morning I woke up at 4:30am to enjoy the quiet house. Sometimes I write a personal essay, sometimes I listen to music and stretch, sometimes I edit photos — whatever I choose to do, I do it for myself. That is until I hear my youngest begin to stir and my day truly begins.
Originally published at https://caitlinhoustonblog.com on January 16, 2025.
